How to Speak With A Man About the Rites of Passage

How to Speak With A Man About the Rites of Passage

February 15, 2023 | Posted by Illuman Admin | MROP

If you haven’t yet experienced the Men’s Rites of Passage (MROP), please consider one of these upcoming events.  

If you haven’t yet participated in the Initiator Program, please know that for many, this is as powerful an experience, perhaps even more, than the MROP.  


How to Speak With A Man About the MROP

In the January Drumbeat we introduced a Conversation Guide for Speaking With Men Unaware of Illuman. The associated Learning Guide provides a good foundation of principles and approaches that will be helpful for any upcoming MROP conversation.  

Please remember: “Influence happens when we align to the agenda and needs of the person we want to influence (help).” This simply means all conversations must start with and focus on the specific interests, goals, and needs of the other man.  

A trust-based relationship is required to start this conversation. Then, it’s important to understand a man’s priority needs (problems and desires). The adverse impact of these needs or unmet desires must be high or important enough, that he’s open to addressing them NOW. The needs and desires must also be those that can be addressed by a Rites experience. 

A simple, useful, listening “frame” is to listen for “healing, spirituality, elderhood” needs or desires. (See the guides linked above for details.) 

The key point is to focus first on a man’s specific “context.” We call this his “Why?”. (If you haven’t already, please view Simon Sinek’s video: Start with Why) Specifically, each man must answer for himself, “why listen,” and “why consider” (the MROP), before he will receive what you have to say.  

This approach is also the best way to gain attention, to create interest, and to “set up his listening.” Remember, all listening comes through filters. The mind automatically, usually unconsciously, filters incoming information. One way this is done is by asking, “So What?” When you speak, remember to answer the present but un-asked “so what” question.  

Before you jump into talking about the MROP, summarize what you’ve heard. You could use an approach similar to our “I heard a man say …” approach.  Then, ask a question to confirm your expectation. Confirm also his interest in even considering the Rites. The question could be as simple as, “It sounds like “this situation” is something you want to address now? Would you be open to discussing this?” Alternatively, you could ask, “may I share my experience / story with you?” 

Then what?  

Here’s the tricky part. The less you say, the better.  

If you have a trust relationship, and if the man has significant issues or objectives that the Rites can address, and if he’s ready to do so now, your simple, direct recommendation is really all that is required.  

Remember, the Rites are not a product or service. They are an indescribable experience. More importantly, it’s not data that drives decisions. All decisions start from emotion. This is why the initial approach, to focus on his “Why,” is critical. Your recommendation, as well as the history and reputation of Illuman and the MROP, are really all he needs. The rest is up to him. And the Spirit.